The Lovely Bones of Calvin & Hobbes
by CalvinHobbesGatsby
Summary: In 1973, Calvin Derkins is a 14 year old boy trying to say goodbye to childhood. His stuffed tiger Hobbes has other plans, he tries to get Calvin to embrace his inner child, but when his neighbor: Susie Salmon disappears. Calvin must go on a journey to bring her back.
1. Prologue

**I DON'T OWN THE LOVELY BONES OR CALVIN & HOBBES, ALL RIGHTS GO TO ALICE SEBOLD & BILL WATTERSON, RESPECTIVELY. I JUST THOUGHT THAT IT WOULD BE AN INTERESTING MIX-UP. **

When I was younger, my imagination kept me sane. I didn't have very many friends, so I did what any normal child would do: I invented one. I would create entire planets & universes for myself. So, even though I was on my own, more often then not. I never really felt alone. However, when I turned 14 years old & became a preteen. I decided that it was time to put most of my childish things behind. My imagination, had other ideas; & my fantasies, once so harmless & childlike, became a Hellish reality. You see, throughout my entire life, there have only been 2 constants: Hobbes, my stuffed tiger that I got for my 3rd birthday from my grandpa, & Susie Salmon: my next door neighbor. Eventually, it was Hobbes & Susie who would take me on a journey not just into my imagination, but into unknown places, places that can not be defined or explained. I learned the meaning of pure good, pure magic, pure love, but I also learned the meaning of pure evil, but i'm getting ahead of myself. I should probably go back to the day when the line between fantasy & reality was no longer clear to me.

 **REVIEWS & INPUT APPRECIATED**


	2. Chapter 1

**I DON'T OWN THE LOVELY BONES OR CALVIN & HOBBES.**

It was in December of 1973. I'd recently turned 14 & my dad thought that it was time for me to grow up. So, I started packing up a lot of my old toys & crap like that. I cleaned out my room & my closet. I had a lot of old toys & books & games that I didn't really use anymore, So my mom gave it to the Salvation Army. However,there was 1 thing that I just couldn't get rid of: My stuffed tiger, Hobbes. My grandpa had given him to me when I was 3 years old. Since then, we did everything together. I would imagine that he was talking to me & our conversations would be so deep that sometimes i'd forget that I was talking for him. Anyway, I was taking the stuff that I was getting rid of out to my mom's car when I saw Susie Salmon race out of her house. She'd recently been given a camera for her birthday, a party that i'd been invited to, & she'd been taking pictures of everything. She was like a wildlife photographer, following the wild Grace Tarking. Susie & I had played with each other as kids. I always used to torment her, calling her an "ugly bucket of boogers", pelting her with slush balls, even starting a club called Get Rid Of Slimy Girls AKA G.R.O.S.S. However, I always thought that she was cute. When I went back in, Hobbes was on the table where i'd left him.

"Hey Hobbes." I said, joking around.

"Hey Calvin."

 **REVIEWS APPRECIATED**


	3. Chapter 2

**I DON'T OWN** ** _THE LOVELY BONES_** **OR** ** _CALVIN & HOBBES_**

I looked around & there he was. I saw Hobbes come to life, he was on 2 legs & he was talking.

"Ahh!" I shouted. "What the Hell?"

"Watch your damn language, there're children around here." Hobbes said. I rubbed my eyes, but Hobbes was still there.

"This isn't possible, you can't be talking."

"Well, my lips are moving & words are coming out." Hobbes pointed out. Hobbes was just a toy, he couldn't be alive, I realized that there was only 1 logical explanation.

"This is obviously a dream, I'm gonna wake up & you'll be gone. OK...OK..." I said as I closed my eyes. When I opened them, Hobbes was gone.

"Ha, i knew it." I said, laughing to myself. Suddenly, someone tapped on my shoulder. I turned around & it was Hobbes.

"How's that working out for you Calvin?" He asked. I jumped back.

"Why are you here?" I asked.

"Isn't it obvious...you need me?" Hobbes replied.

"I need you...what do you mean I need you?"

"We used to have so much fun together, then you had to grow up, you're losing that spark, that...thing inside you made you great & if you don't realize it & hold on to it, you're going to have a sad life Calvin."

"Look Hobbes, I don't need you to tell me how to live my life OK, I have a nice life. I get good grades, I have friends, what more do I need?" I argued.

"Don't you want more out of life?" Hobbes asked as he went over to the window. "Ohh, who's the babe?" I walked over to the window & we saw Susie on her bike, snapping pictures while her parents were talking to Mr. Harvey.

"It's Susie." I told him.

"Ah, Susie Salmon, age has been so, so, good to you." Hobbes sighed. I had to admit that she looked cute. Suddenly, Hobbes got a weird look on his face. "Who's that creep?" he asked. I saw that he was looking at George Harvey.

"That's Mr. Harvey."

"He's trouble Calvin, i'm telling you. Hobbes said as he watched everything.

 **REVIEWS APPRECIATED**


	4. Chapter 3

**I DON'T OWN THE LOVEY BONES OR CALVIN & HOBBES**

I sat down to collect my thoughts as Hobbes continued to look out the window. This couldn't be happening to me. How could a stuffed tiger plush come to life? It didn't make any logical sense.

"So Calvin, what do you want to do?" Hobbes asked.

"I have homework to do." I said as I got my math stuff out.

"Can I help, tigers are great at math."

"I doubt you know how to do algebra."

"That's easy, what's the first problem?" I decided to let Hobbes help, I hadn't been doing that great in Algebra and I couldn't understand it at all.

"Well, the first problem is X squared +12X=36." I told him. Hobbes looked it over.

"I told you, it's easy. You just have to replace the numbers with X. Ok, so first you subtract 12 from 36 which equals 24, which means X squared has to equal 24, what is 24 divided by 2?"

"24."

"Exactly, which means that the answer is 12 squared +12=36." Hobbes said.

"You're right, it wasn't that hard." I replied. I couldn't believe how easy it was. All I had to do was make the numbers add out to the answer. I was done with my homework in about 20 minutes thanks to Hobbes.

"Great, now we can go outside and play!" Hobbes said.

"Don't you think i'm a little old for playing?" I replied.

"Maybe you've got the skeevies." Hobbes said, teasing me.

"Calvin doesn't get "The Skeevies." I said, defensively.

"OK then, prove it." I sighed as we went outside. Hobbes climbed in a tree as we saw Susie continue to take pictures.

"Man, is she a babe." Hobbes said.

"Can it." I replied as I watched. I had to admit, I was captivated by Susie. I just didn't know that I was running out of time to admire her.

 **REVIEWS NEEDED**


	5. Chapter 4

**I DON'T OWN CALVIN AND HOBBES OR THE LOVELY BONES**

The next day was Monday and that meant school. Calvin would try anything to get out of it. One time, he'd even gone so far as to swallow a bottle of soap. The next 24 hours were punishment enough as Calvin puked his guts out on and off all day. As Calvin woke up and got dressed, his hopes that Hobbes would leave faded away like the wind.

"Come on Calvin." Hobbes pleaded. "Skip school, let's play."

"Skip school?" Calvin asked. "No way, my dad will have my ass on a silver platter." Hobbes grabbed onto Calvin's ankles.

"Please Calvin.." Hobbes begged as Calvin tried to move.

"Let go Hobbes." Calvin said.

"Please..."

"No."

"Please?"

"No.

"PLEASE!"

"NO!"

"Well, if you won't skip, at least let me come with you." Hobbes insisted.

"Why would I do that?" Calvin asked.

"Because I can help." Hobbes reminded him. "Don't you remember how you used to take me to school to deal with Moe." Moe had been the school's biggest bully until they finally expelled his ass.

"Yeah, and I still got beat up." Calvin reminded Hobbes in turn.

"Fine, I'm sorry...please just let me come." Hobbes pleaded. Calvin finally relented, just be done with it.

"Whatever, you can come, just don't get me in trouble." Calvin replied as he and Hobbes headed out the door without saying bye to his parents.

 **NEXT TIME, CALVIN AND HOBBES GO TO SCHOOL, GET IN TROUBLE, AND SEE SUSIE IN THE THRONGS OF LOVE. REVIEWS NEEDED.**


	6. Chapter 5

**I DON'T OWN THE LOVELY BONES OR THE DIALOGUE OR CALVIN AND HOBBES**

As Calvin and Hobbes made their way to school, Calvin was filled with dysphoria. Normally, he didn't care for the United States educational system. Ask anyone you like and they would say that Calvin Derkins was at the bottom of the pecking order; not just in his class, but in the entire school. He was picked on considerably and the girls didn't give him the time of day. Calvin tried to manage the day as best he could. He kept his head down and anytime Hobbes gave him a suggestion, he ignored it. It was not easy though, all day Hobbes was trying to convince Calvin to take part in some cockamamie scheme.

"Come on Calvin, put a thumbtack on the teacher's chair!"

"No."

"Come on Calvin, put itching powder in the football players jockstraps!"

"No!"

"Come on Calvin, sneak into the girl's bathroom so we can see some babes!"

"NO." This went on all day and by the end of school, Calvin's patience was wearing quite thin. He was walking through the halls on his way out when he saw Susie Salmon talking with Clarissa, one of the more popular girls.

"Ooh, babe alert!" Hobbes said excitedly.

"Shh!" Calvin shushed as he watched Susie.

"Othello." Susie commented. "What is that?"

"Sounds like a myth." Clarissa commented. "That guy looked pretty stupid with the black make-up on. Who...the one with two first names."

"Lawrence Oliver. "

"What a loser!"

"I know!" Susie agreed as Bryan: Clarissa's boyfriend walked up to the girls.

"Clarissa!" he said. "C'mon, let's go."

"I'm talking to Susie." She explained.

"Yeah, and I've been waiting for hours for your jerk-off film club to finish, and I wanna get out of this dump."

"It's nice to see you too, Bryan." Susie interjected.

"Are you coming or not?" Bryan asked.

"Yeah, yeah...see ya Susie." Clarissa said as she and Bryan walked off.

"This is your chance Cal, go for the babe." Hobbes said, but it was too late. The exotic beauty that was Ray Singh had beat him to it.

"Hey Susie." he said as she turned to look at him.

"Hi, Ray."

"What did you think of the Moor?"

"Who?"

"Othello."

"Well, well I just...it was amazing." Susie stuttered. "Yeah, I mean - it was...really incredible!"

"I love that play." Ray remarked. "That's another thing we have in common."

"What else do we have in common?"

"Don't you know?" he asked as Susie dropped her stuff. Ray tried to help her but she stumbled over herself.

"Susie, what are you doing Saturday?" He inquired. Susie tried to say something, but she was tongue tied.

"Are you really from England?" She finally said, sounding like a spaz.

"Yes" Ray chuckled as he leaned in closer. "You are beautiful, Susie Salmon." Ray was going in for a kiss and Calvin was going to have to watch it. Luckily deux ex machina came in the form of Ruth Connors.

"Forget it!" she shouted as she was followed by a teacher.

"This is obscene!" He exclaimed. "Are you listening to me!? There are no breasts on this anatomy model!"

"There are no eyes or mouth either, but we were told to draw in the face." Ruth argued.

"Your unnecessary anatomical additions got the Ellis boy over-excited."

"He stole my drawing!"

"Yes, and now there are pictures of naked women all over this school." The teacher pointed out as he saw Susie, Ray, and Calvin. "Move along people!"

"Sir, can I can have my drawing back?" Ruth asked.

"Certainly not." he stated as Ruth stormed off.

"Did you hear me Singh?" The teacher shouted. "Go. You too Derkins!" Calvin took Hobbes and quickly made his way out of the school.

"You should've made a move." Hobbes chided. "You should do what us tigers do when we find our mate: You follow her around for three days, then you growl at any male who comes too close to her, and finally, you urinate on Susie, marking her as your territory. Calvin was stunned.

"No Hobbes...just...no."

 **WILL CALVIN MAKE A MOVE ON SUSIE BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE? REVIEWS NEEDED AND APPRECIATED.**


End file.
